Blog, September 22, 2008
“Hanging in When God Seems Distant”
Christian writers through the centuries have used a variety of phrases attempting to put
into words the changes we humans experience in our feelings about or towards God.
All the attempts to describe the different feelings are only human words seeking to put
into words that which is beyond words. Teresa of Avila spoke about the difference
between water flowing freely in a channel or stream or river, watering flowers and
bringing life-giving water to the seeker and the experience of working hard to draw
water out of a well many feet below the surface. At times our experience of God is
easy, free-flowing, and life-giving. At other times our experience of God feels like we
are toiling hard to bring up that which is life-giving from far below the surface.
Some people ascribe the differences that we experience to Godʼs intentional ʻtrainingʼ of
Godʼs children. At first, the relationship is filled with gifts and wonders so that the
person has a sense of the wonder and beauty of God. Then, some say, God withdraws
a bit and the person begins to have a sense of confusion and wondering, and then, as
the person remains faithful and continues to ʻshow upʼ even without the awareness of
the bounty of God, a new level of intimacy is revealed.
I know that I cannot know ʻfor a factʼ that God is working in us and through us in that
way. I also know that there are changes in the way we ʻfeelʼ about God, how close we
feel to God. I have found three descriptions of the changes to be ʻtrueʼ for me or truly
pointing toward what I experience as reality.

1. The traditional Catholic terms which describe the times when we feel close to God
and the times we feel distant from God are ʻconsolationʼ and ʻdesolation.ʼ These
terms recognize the differences of our feelings and are grounded in faith and hope.
My spiritual director many years ago taught me that there are times of great delight
and wonder which she labeled ʻconsolation.ʼ There are also times when we feel
abandoned or at least distant from God, times when life seems hard and filled with
struggle. Those times are labeled ʻdesolation.ʼ The comfort, faith, and hope in
consolation and desolation come from acknowledging that life is never very stable.
Then we can trust in the awareness that hard times donʼt last as well as the
awareness that good times are not likely to go on forever.

2. Walter Bruggeman, Old Testament professor, has used the terms ʻorientation,ʼ
disorientation,ʼ and re-orientation.ʼ He suggests that the Psalms of the Hebrew
Scriptures frequently move the writer and reader from a sense of orientation to
disorientation and then, finally, a new re-orientation. It seems to describe my
experience of life in relationship with God.

3. Finally, Gerald May, psychiatrist and spiritual director at Shalem Institute where I was
trained as a spiritual director, used to tell me about the shift from longing to be in
relationship with God, finding a pattern or schedule for prayer that ʻworksʼ and helps
us feel close to God, and then an experience of being ʻkicked off the islandʼ when that
pattern or schedule or form of prayer quits working. Dr. May believed that we
humans tend to become attached to the pattern or schedule or form that ʻworksʼ for
us. That attachment becomes an idol that we begin to worship rather than continuing
to worship God, who is beyond the pattern or form. When it no longer works we feel
abandoned by God but the truth is that we are being invited to let go of our
attachments and focus on God and God alone once again.ʼʼ

From Teresa of Avila to Gerald May to my own experience, anyone who seeks a
relationship with God experiences changes in the feeling level of the relationship. I find
the acknowledgment that there are changes to be expected comforting and hopeful. I
tend to resist acting as if I know for a fact what God might be doing. I trust that God
loves me and you. I trust that the changes in our relationship with God can be
opportunities for growth and that God wants good for all of us. What do you think?
What do you believe? What do you feel?